Another Monday

It's just another Monday. I'm writing this in the evening after I've burnt off energy in my exercise session so that has placed me in a calming mood.

My thoughts turn to work yet again. I lack the motivation to do work. I do the minimum to keep things going, but I take no pride in it. I can't let this go on for much longer. For me, not having pride in my work and a sense of accomplishment is not healthy.

I look at job postings and nothing looks interesting. If you asked me, "what do you want to do?", I wouldn't have an answer. There are certain things I like, but those things piled together don't make much of a job. I like seeing the results of my labour. I like following patterns to progress through a task. Not everything can be a pattern. We have automated equipment to follow patterns. It's more about structure.

I want to see progress and I want some certainty that something is made and put out into the world to be used or consumed. I want people to appreciate the results of my hard work. I never thought I was someone who needed a gold star and a pat on the head, but maybe I am or have become, that person. I'm okay with that.

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